Bush “as cogent as a sack of pissed bears” claim critics

Posted 11 months, 3 weeks ago at 9:34 am. 0 comments

As US elections shift ever closer, aides close to the President are growing increasingly frustrated with trying to explain to Bush that he won’t be up for re-election.  George W, who was memorably described as “a towering pillock” last year by a tipsy Earl of Lancaster, is seemingly unaware of the constitutional rules describing just two consecutive terms of office.

“It’s got to the point where he’s in my office at least twice a day, rubbing his hands together and saying “Right, when are we hitting the campaign trail?”  It’s beginning to get right on my tits.  We’ve seriously considered sedating him” Anonymous White House Source

Heap big powerful medicine men called in to discretely monitor the President’s gradual decline into rambling pleasantries are reportedly “concerned” that Bush is setting himself up for jarring cognitive dissonance once the truth of his lapsing power sinks in.

“Normally people take this sort of thing in their stride - Eisenhower had a highly successful turn on the conference circuit making anti-Hitler jokes - but we’re worried at how blind to his situation Georgie is.  One day he’ll wake up and just be a man in a poorly fitting suit jacket and his underpants, rather than that same man with his finger on the nuclear button” Barbara Pith, Pittsburgh

However critics of the President are dubious as to the authenticity of these claims, and instead believe it to be a ploy by the Republican party to extend their oft-criticised tenure in the face of rising critique.

“It’s all a pack of shitty lies, we’ve seen this before with Nixon - they say he’s forgotten about a term, and use that as an excuse to give him another one” Comment left in an Internet Newsgroup

While members of the Bush family were unavailable for comment, a fax machine repairman in New Jersey gave us the following unofficial statement:

“George W. is a big boy and he knows what he’s doing.  All this liberal “out of office” horse crap is just another greasy slur campaign by the Democrats, and neither he nor his buddies will let it get to him.  The President looks forward to another fourteen years during which he’ll do a load of great stuff, you’re just jealous”

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