50 Cent blasts Kanye in emotional outburst
Posted 11 months, 2 weeks ago at 6:49 am. 0 comments
Flicking through the pages of the internet the other day I stumbled upon an interview with rap music’s 50 Cent. 50, known for such songs as “In Da Club” (a ballad about the shortcake inside chocolate biscuits) and, um, that one where he sings about his mum kissing a girl, has a brand new album called ‘Curtis’ coming out on September 11th; the exact same day as dance floor nemesis Kanye “Milk Me” West. Fiddy - real name Curtis James Jackson III - proved to be disparaging of Kanye in talking with Complex Magazine:
“I think it makes good sense for Kanye West to keep his date the same as 50 Cent. First I was like, “What is he doing?” like, “It’s gonna kill him.” … He already knows that he doesn’t mind being number two because he knows he’s going to be number two” 50 Cent, referring to himself in the third person
Curtis, Curtis, Curtis. Have you learnt nothing from your namesake, Curtis Stigers, who so famously predicted himself off of the billboard chart with his overexagerated boasts? (Stigers, in an interview with a surprisingly lucid Cher, told fans ”there’s no need for you, listening to me now, to even buy the single - I’m number one and no shit can change that”; record sales amounted to three copies, at least two of which were bought erroneously according to anecdotal reports)
Now before you accuse me of siding with the boy West, let me point out that I sent Kanye a rather lovely ham hock last Winter and am yet to receive even the most cursory of handwritten “thank you” notes, so he and I have something of a pig-headed beef going on. No, this is about Fiddy (who is resolutely heterosexual) and his obvious lack of self-confidence, manifesting in an over-inflated ego rant that Neo-Freudians would suggest comes from having no significant male role model in his early years (Curtis has been painfully honest about his father: “Daddy ain’t around, probably out committing felonies”) At one point it looked as though he had found a suitable replacement in the shape of The Game, but their relationship broke down after 50 accused The Game of stealing a prized pencil eraser in the shape of Jessica Rabbit.
As a trained therapist with a chair of my own, I’d like to extend the turgid branch of help to Curtis and offer to assist him in working through his angst. Seriously, it can’t be good for his digestive system. In fact, if there are any rappers, RnB artistes or similar reading this and in need of emotional support, do get in touch (saying that, though: Ludacris, please, stop calling me - and no, reversing the charges is not a good way to win back my respect). I promise confidentiality and to not release my album on the same day as yours.
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